more on relationships

Good point, DJ. What battle is there in today's world for men to fight? I had to chew on that for awhile. I don't think the battle would be the same for all men, but it would be one that engages their mind, strength, and emotions. Something that makes them feel alive. For Christian men, it could mean going against the "flow" of the world and walking in integrity- in their work and in their relationships. Saying no to temptations that men face. "Fighting" a good fight in their marriages so that it will be that much better. Anything that enables the man to step up and out into the world-- not be a passive spectator. He wouldn't necessarily have to be in the limelight- but just something to show that he isn't just sitting around watching life pass him by. I probably have more to say on this, but more reflection time is needed. :)

posted by Christine @ 9:12 PM 0 comments

Eldridge (author of Wild At Heart) is writing to men, and given his selection of metaphors, white men.. he did mention that women can read it to gain some insight into what men can and should become, implying many of them are wimping out; which I think says that male passivity isn't only a stereotypical Asian thing, but it's a male thing.. that was the premise of Crabb & Hudson's book, Silence Of Adam, which traces passivity all the way back to Adam in the garden, who was with Eve when she was tempted and fell into sin.. so just as Adam was passive, so are many (most?) men.... both of these books paint a picture of what manhood is, tho' stereotypically, men either go to the aggressive and abusive extreme, or the passive extreme.. neither of which is particularly attractive to women, right?

The thing about the heroes of the stories like Braveheart and Gladiator, it's easy to see the strength of the men who fought the battle that were forced upon them.. but in the world today, what is the battle? What kind of a purpose to battle is the average man supposed to fight? And how would that battle be attractive to women? (certainly you don't mean to compete for the affection of a woman.. :) )

posted by DJ Chuang @ 8:25 PM 0 comments

I bought and read Wild at Heart when it first came out. I was hoping the book would give insight as to why I am drawn to guys who are "exciting" and "daring", but not necessarily prime candidates for marriage. I'm not quite sure if it applies as much to Asian males- especially the "great outdoors" metaphors. I did like the part about one need being "a beauty to rescue". That appeals to the romantic side of me. I don't want to be the one taking the initiative and it seems too often that guys (just Asian ones? or perhaps that's my stereotype) are content to stand around and just "be" passive. A guy with "edge" is very attractive. I'm thinking of the Maximus type (i.e. Gladiator) or William Wallace(?) (i.e. Braveheart). A guy with purpose and who isn't afraid to interact with the world around him. To be in the world, but not of it.

posted by Christine @ 6:31 PM 0 comments

Christine, you did great! Welcome to the world of blogging! That's also been a recent thought circling in our home, about what single women are supposed to do, and why it seems like there are so few good men out there.. we're reading a book titled Wild At Heart (which is making its circuit in popular mainstream evangelicalism) and he describes how men are beaten down to become "nice guys" instead of an adventurous assertive man who will fight the valiant battles for the love of his life. (as an aside, I'm not sure how much of his thesis works outside of his white male middle class audience; many metaphors he used relates to that City Slickers movie!) Now I know women aren't looking for a "nice guy" (read: stereotypical passive Asian male), but a "good guy".. and I don't have an answer for that. It baffles me too. I know guys and meet guys via men's groups, and do find it hard to connect with them in deeper conversation to know what makes them tick, and why they're hesitant toward personal maturity. Fragile male ego?

Since our email dialogue in 1997, Roo and I have had a baby boy born in our midst, and he'd entered Kindergarten last Fall. We'd been married over 7 years now, and it's taken about this long to get to a point where we're really enjoying all aspects of our marriage. While I have more personal freedom to talk about everything personal, I don't have license to talk about everything, with my wife Roo not being a blogger, and not a reader of blogs either. Both of us do still value our friendships with single adults, and we fight the pressures that be which marginalize those who aren't in marital coupledom.

posted by DJ Chuang @ 5:28 AM 0 comments

I'm not sure how this blog thing works but here goes. I can't believe five years has passed since our last dialogue about relationships. Even though I thought I "knew" a lot about relationships in theory (and info. gleaned from rel'n books), it turns out that I wasn't very good (naive? too idealistic?) at applying the knowledge. I was in a relationship that started off quite well (very God-centered) but slowly deteriorated over time. There were numerous issues and struggles in that relationship. I learned much about myself and about God and thankfully, by God's grace, I got out of that relationship (although it took about a year to heal). I'm currently in a very healthy relationship with a wonderful guy who treats me with respect and cherishes me. I feel very blessed!

Being a single woman of a certain age, I often wonder where all the "good" men are. It seems harder to find someone who isn't already married/engaged/dating or carrying 'baggage.' For awhile, the joke among my friends is that we would have to date someone younger (but post-college).

posted by Christine @ 12:18 AM 0 comments

Welcome to our new team blog; this is a continuation of conversations from a while back about relationships between DJ and Christine, long before there were blogs.. so we exchanged emails and archived them in what's become known as "DJ's Relationship Theory" - though it would perhaps be better described as a dialogue about relationships from both our perspectives. The previous dialogue took place January to April 1997. We'll update you on what's happened in each of our lives since.

posted by DJ Chuang @ 8:25 PM 0 comments