more on relationships

I'd be curious to hear your list of characteristics for a good man and/or good woman.. as we're talking about relationships, I do think the quality of those relationships are depth, vulnerability, honesty, known and being known, accept and being accepted, celebrate and being celebrated.. yes, they're found in the deepest and closest relationships, but they can also be found in growing circles of relationships as well, tho' not everyday interaction, and not conversations at the water-cooler; what I am saying is that quality relationships doesn't have to be limited to only one or two super-tight ones. Here I'm probably pushing a little bit, b/c I have the capacity for more than 1 or 2 deep & honest relationships, whereas the average person might only have the 1 or 2. Certainly one would hope and pray that the marriage relationship would be of this quality, but that's often elusive and quite a battle that many don't survive (either divorcing, or resigning to a roommate-like marriage, or staying together for the sake of the kids).

What prevents people from openness and transparency, depth and honesty? Many reasons, everyone has their own; most commonly I think, it's some category of fear. Fear of being rejected for being less than perfect, fear of what the other person will think if they knew the worst, fear of being hurt, fear of not knowing how to handle the truth about the other's brokenness. Many other fears to do with pride, reputation, approval, competition, et al. John Powell wrote a pretty popular book, "Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am", and he explained it as: I am afraid to tell you who I am, because if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it's all that I have. And I think over the course of time, I might have to say that some people don't have the capacity for revealing themselves in an open & honest manner, having never seen it, don't know what it looks like, uncomfortable with psychological categories & introspection, and just have never gone there themselves, much less to invite someone else to go there, to go deep, vulnerable, and honest and raw.

posted by DJ Chuang @ 5:44 PM