more on relationships

some of the most raw and deep-seated emotions + affections are fear, and trust.. how do I find time for more than 1 or 2 deep & honest relationships? I don't have that many more! :( they're few and far between.. and if there were many more, I think the tendency is to become cliqu'ish or gangy, and thus water down the depth of the relationships.. it's my hunch that within an Asian culture that values face and outward appearances, it would be that much more difficult to drop the mask, and be real, and deep, and transparent, and honest, with ones strengths and weaknesses, fears and courage, struggles and joys.. not to blame it all on that cultural disposition, but it's an obvious factor.. b/c in Anglo-American culture, to compare, the depth of relationship isn't all that easy to come by either, even tho' the culture promotes self-expression and free speech, it doesn't necessarily engender relational depth, and in fact, statistics show that Anglo-Americans to be more individualistic and isolated than other ethnic groupings, cf. the book "Bowling Alone", and the comparatively smaller wedding sizes..

I personally don't think it's "suggestive" for a woman to initiate doing coffee.. let's do it some time soon :)

posted by DJ Chuang @ 7:38 PM 0 comments

You have brought up some very good insights into the quality of relationships and what prevents people from achieving that type of relationship--> namely, fear. Taking a look at my own church fellowship (a place where we're supposed to have depth and vulnerabilty), I find that we haven't achieved 'quality' relationships with each other. It's as if we are all wearing a 'mask' or at least being whom others 'perceive we ought to be.' Instead, I am most 'myself' with my significant others and my close 1 or 2 friends (and other close friends to varying degrees). Part of it is fear as well as lack of trust. I don't know the people in my fellowship well enough to know whether I can *trust* them with my deepest feelings/thoughts. Will they tell others outside the group? Will I be judged? Will I be seen as 'weak' or 'odd'?

So how does one manage to have more than the typical '1 or 2' deep & honest relationships? Where do you find the time? :)

My list of characteristics for a good man and/or woman....hmmm...probably very similar to yours. I'd also add 'a good name' (in other words, they are well-spoken of by all kinds of people). They would be a person of integrity, humility, sincerity, and a teachable spirit.

A random question (which came up in fellowship): Would you consider "suggesting" by a woman to be an act of initiative? Example::"Hey, would you like to go and get coffee some time?"

posted by Christine @ 12:41 AM 0 comments